


A Plank Where All The Angels Dove

by Revan93



Series: They Told Me Once, Don't Trust The Moon [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Boston, M/M, Marauders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2018-11-13 09:26:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11181831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Revan93/pseuds/Revan93
Summary: Lily and James celebrate their one-year anniversary.Remus hopes for change and has that wish fulfilled.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trying to avoid getting stuck in exposition, but very excited to learn who these characters are! Lily and Remus have got to be one of the best canon friendships out there <3

Three Weeks Later

“You sure about this?” Peter said, running a hand through Remus’s hair. He sounded nervous, but that was typical for him.

“Yeah,” Remus said. He closed his eyes for a second, took a breath. “Yeah, just do it.”

“Okay.”

Peter turned the buzzer on, placed it at the nape of Remus’s neck. Moved it up across his scalp, and Remus watched his own reflection in the mirror, as blonde hair fell around bare shoulders.

*

“You look like an anime character,” Lily said.

Remus turned to see her in his open doorway, then looked down at himself. Grey skinny jeans, white sweater with the bluebell silhouette. He already knew his eyes were three-sizes too big. “You think so?”

“Mm.” She crossed to him, pulled him in to kiss the layer of fuzz that remained on his head. “Hope this isn’t some kind of Samson and Delilah shit.”

“More like Britney ’07 shit, probably.”

“I’d definitely fuck you if I liked guys that look like girls.”

“You’re already fucking James.”

She laughed, hopped onto Remus’s bed and opened her arms for him. He jumped in place a few times, then tackled her - they fell with a yelp onto the blankets.

“I knew it, I knew it!” Lily cried in a passable Southern accent. “On the anniversary of my descent into respectable womanhood, you’ve realized what fires I set ablaze in your loins!”

“The flames of a thousand dying stars,” Remus said, propping himself on his forearms over her.

“Well there’s nothing else for it.” She wrapped her legs around his hips. “Take me, Remus Lupin, and damn the consequences.”

Remus hung his head, low beside her ear, and whispered, “Is it okay that I’m getting hard right now - that’s okay, right?”

Lily shoved him off, and laughing still they both stretched out on their backs. Remus had spent an embarrassing amount of time last semester, taping and pasting and Command-stripping a collage of pictures and quotes onto his ceiling. It stared back at them, the ramshackle adventures of freshman year, and more than a few moments sported Regulus with his small, confident smile.

“Why don’t you get rid of those?” Lily said.

Remus knew which ones she meant. He shrugged and said, “They weren’t always bad memories.” Lily nestled against him, and Remus pointed up at one of his favorite quotes, scrawled in sharpie across a few pictures. “I wasn’t scared, I was just somebody else, some stranger. And my whole life was a haunted life, the life of a ghost.”

“You are trash,” Lily mumbled into his side. “You are hipster trash.”

“Mm.”

They were quiet for a minute, and not for the first time Remus thought how grateful he was that Lily had stuck by him. No one had drawn a line in the sand, but James and Peter were his friends first, and the fact they all came from smaller towns had given Remus some assurance they wouldn’t vanish alongside Regulus.

But Lily was a Boston kid, born and bred in Beacon Hill, and her and James had gotten together within a few weeks’ window of him and Reg. So he’d accepted and maybe expected she’d pick the city option when the time came, distance herself from James’s crowd and turn up to smile when it was appropriate, but here she was, in his bed - proving him wrong like she usually did.

And if she kept something up with Reg, it wasn’t his business. She’d bring it up if it mattered somehow, and she spent enough time with Remus and James that neither could accuse her of leading secrets.

He wrapped his arm around Lily a bit tighter.

“What movie are you guys seeing tonight?”

“Fantastic Beasts, again,” Lily sighed. “James said I didn’t have to get him an anniversary present if I went with him for the fifth fucking time.”

“But you got him the new core set, and those jeans.”

“Well, he probably deserves nice things once in a while.” She rolled away from Remus’s grip, then jumped back onto the floor and pulled her shirt down from where it’d ridden. “And the jeans are more for me than him. If he shows up for another date in sweats I’ll castrate him.”

“I’ll never complain about a boy in sweatpants.” Remus sat up, tried to swipe some of the wrinkles out of his own shirt. “You guys doing dinner before or after the movie?”

“Before - plenty of time to digest for the _after_. So we’ll meet you and Pete at Landsdowne around ten, if that works.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“And you’re sure you’re okay to go out tonight?”

Remus raised his head at the abrupt question, the sternness in Lily’s words. She’d crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows, the _we-don’t-tolerate-bullsit-here_ look. How’d such a small person come off so intimidating? Remus could never manage it.

“I’m not worried about you spoiling the party or anything,” she went on, voice softening. “I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, or obligated, or sad.”

Remus leaned forward from his perch on the bed. Ran his hand over the bristles that’d been his hair a few hours back, and smiled. “I’m not sad anymore, I’m just ready for something to change. It’s going to be an incredible night, okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thinking three or four chapters for this one? Sirius rearing his devilish face in Chapter 2 again!  
> (Not sure how Fantastic Beasts would exist in this world, but couldn't help myself)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again ~ ~ ~
> 
> I know Landsdowne isn't really a place that people go to dance, but the last time I was there was the first time I ever saw bouncers physically restrain someone - so shoutout to that wayward soul for inspiring this chapter, I hope your weekend went uphill from that point out

Remus knew this song.

He knew the remix too.  And so did Lily - she mouthed the words back at him, arms slung over his shoulders with his hands at her waist.

_You know, you know me - I like to be intoxicated_

Landsdowne was more a dive and less a club, an extended hallway with the bar on one side and tables on the other, but they’d still found a corner for their little group to sway and dance and laugh amongst the sea of Saturday-night bodies.

_You know, you know me - and feel unappreciated_

James came up behind Lily, slid his hands across her stomach so they came down to brush Remus’s own.  He quirked his eyebrows at Remus, hooked his chin over Lily’s shoulder and moved back and forth with the song’s sedate underbeat.

_They say boy, you know it’s time to go  
You’ve got to give it up - they say, they say, they say give it up_

“I’m an animal, you’re an animal,” Remus hummed to himself, and through the first chorus all three of them ground against one another.  Then Lily leaned forward to press her forehead to his, kissed him on the cheek, and spun around so she and James could dance more intimately.

And Remus could only smile.

 _One year, against the odds, they deserve it, they deserve it_ , the vodka in his gut sang out, a drunken warmth that was still plenty comfortable.  And Remus knew it, in the corner of his mind reserved for sober conscience: he couldn’t be happier for Lily and James.

He moved towards the bar.  Searched the faces there, until he spotted Peter, a head shorter than either of the guys flanking him.  Remus squirmed his way in, clasped Pete on the shoulder to get his attention.

“Trying to get another drink,” Peter said, over the music and the laughter.

Remus tried to eyeball their bartender, and when that failed, raised his hand until he got someone’s attention.

“IDs,” the girl said before anything else.

Remus and Peter handed their fakes over, and after half a glance the girl nodded for them to order.

“Shot of vodka,” Remus said for himself, and with a disappointed huff of breath at Peter, “Shot of.. gin?”

“Shot of gin,” Pete said.

Bills handed over, drinks poured.  Peter threw his shot back, Remus followed suit.  A new song started and the music seemed just a little louder than it had before.

_Thousands of ghosts in the daylight, walking through my hometown square_

“Are you having fun?” Remus said, close to Peter’s ear.

“Sure,” Peter said, scanning the crowd.  Then, looking Remus in the eye, “Yeah.  It’s a good time.”

“You hate big crowds.”

“But I like you lot most of the time, so it balances out.”

Remus laughed, grabbed Pete’s hand and placed it on his own shaven head.  “Thanks for doing this.  Feels like a brand-new life.”

“No problem,” Peter said, removing his hand gently enough.  They leaned against the bar: amicable silence, hum of the crowd and speakers and bottles.

_Thousands of ghosts in the darkness, lost in a strange neighborhood_

“Need some air,” Pete said, throwing a thumb towards the bar’s screened-in patio.  Remus nodded, stayed where he was while Pete walked off.  Sang the chorus of this, another song he knew.

“I died so I could have you, I died so I could haunt you.”

The final chords died off, a few measures of lone piano sealed the song away before the bass of a new number started.  Remus cracked his neck, blinked a few times to gauge how swiftly that last shot was taking hold.

Verdict: pretty fucking fast.  Air seemed like the smart idea.

He made it to the patio, had spotted Peter when a familiar voice caught his ear.

“I was here last week.  You can’t tell me it’s no good now.”

Remus turned and there he was.  Fuming, an ugly sneer on his lips, indecently close to the bouncers that watched over the outside gate.  He was holding out a license - his fake, it had to be.  And the bouncer nearest had his arms crossed, shoulders fearsome beneath the fabric of those obligatory black shirts.

 _You've got to be fucking kidding me._  Remus’s mind threw the words together, but his mouth was slack and his whole body jolted when the bouncer interrupted Sirius mid-sentence, grabbed his arm and forced him against the adjacent building’s cement wall.

The patio was small, and Remus had crossed to the gate before Sirius had finished protesting.

“ - if you don’t get your fucking hands off me.”

Remus raised a hand but his words were stuck again.  A few people loitering inside the fence had turned to watch, eyebrows raised or fists muffling a snigger.  Peter’s hand was stretched out too, but Remus shook his head, tried to communicate that the fewer people involved, the better.

“You want to get back inside?” the bouncer that wasn’t manhandling Sirius said, to Remus.

“I’m actually going to head out, if that’s okay with you.”  Remus was pretty sure his balls hadn’t dropped the last time his voice’d reached that octave.  But he opened the gate, just wide enough so he could slip outside the fence, then approached Sirius with his hands shoved trembling between his armpits.  “Can he come with me?  We’re brothers.”

Remus stammered over the last, and Sirius still managed to snort with his face eating concrete. The bouncers laughed too; they shared a glance - _fuck if I want to deal with this right now_.  Then the one holding Sirius released him, and Remus grabbed his arm before marching the both of them half a block away from Landsdowne.

Sirius pulled himself from Remus’s grip, then bent over with his forearms on his knees, breathing heavy.  Remus’s phone buzzed, and he answered to Peter’s voice.

“You alright?”

“Yeah,” Remus said, looking Sirius over.  Black jeans, grey shirt, little bit of scruff.  He might’ve passed for twenty-one, but he definitely passed for drunk off his ass.  This close, in the light of a streetlamp, his skin looked grey.  “Yeah, we’re fine.  You want to let Lily and James know what happened?”

“What is happening, exactly?”

Vodka, sweat, and a sudden breeze gripped Remus round the shoulders, but he breathed some capacity into himself and said, “I should probably call Reg.”

“I’m glad you said it.  I didn’t want to say it.”

“I’ll just meet you back at the Alley, okay?  I should stay with him until Reg shows up.”

“Brothers,” Sirius laughed, then puked on the sidewalk.  A passing couple swore at him.

“Jesus,” Remus said, raising a hand to push his hair back.  But all he found were bristles, sweaty still: brand-new life, for sure.

“You want me to stay with you?” Peter said, through the phone.  Remus turned to see him, leaning over the fence and frowning.  The bouncers mumbled in his direction but only shook their heads at one another.

“No, please stay,” Remus said.  “We shouldn’t - we shouldn’t ruin Lily and James’ night.  Just go have fun, okay?”

“Fat fucking chance,” Peter said, but Remus watched him click his phone off.  He waved, frowning still, then headed back inside the bar.

Remus turned to Sirius, who’d grown even more pallid during the phone conversation.  His mouth was wide, saliva dribbling from the edges.  This was the level of drunk dorm advisors called an ambulance on.

It felt familiar and it felt like a betrayal, scrolling to Regulus’s name in his contacts.  But he hit the call button and raised the phone to his ear, trying to explain the bigger picture to himself: Sirius is eighteen, Sirius is trashed, Sirius is someone else’s fucking responsibility.

Seven rings and the call went to voicemail.  That quiet voice saying, “Couldn’t make it, leave me the details.”  And then the beep.

“Alright,” Remus said, then stammered on.  “It’s me.  You know.  I’ve got your brother here and he’s kind of hammered beyond reason, so I don’t want to stick him on the T or leave him in an alley somewhere.  So call me when you get this- ” and with a twinge of bile “ - please.”

He ended the call, slid his phone away.  Over winter break - just after the breakup - Reg and his suitemates had traded out their campus housing for an apartment in Mission Hill, but Remus didn’t know the address.  And Sirius’s car was probably stuck at the end of the Red Line, where the Blacks always parked to come into the city.

He couldn’t leave Sirius on some random doorstep, like an orphan in a kid’s book.  He couldn’t foist him onto the T, back to a car he wouldn’t be able to handle without a night’s detox to his name.  And the more he looked at Sirius, the less Remus was sure that he didn’t have alcohol poisoning.

“Thousands of ghosts in the daylight,” Remus mumbled, squatting down beside Sirius.  He offered his shoulder and said, “Lean on me, okay?”

“Fucking brothers,” Sirius said to the ground, shaking his head and coughing.  His eyes were watering now.

Bolstered by the vodka - the night’s handful of drinks were finally peaking, courageous and rageful - Remus grabbed Sirius’s arm and wrapped it over his shoulders.  He lifted them both away from the ground, then tested his balance with Sirius’s full weight against him.

“We’ll take the T,” Remus said, “back to campus, and we’ll wait for your brother there.”

Sirius didn’t argue, mouthing a few unintelligible words against Remus’s shoulder, and they staggered together into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Note on alcohol poisoning: at least in my college experience, people didn't report severe drunkenness as often as they should have, so please always put your own health or the health of others before the fear of getting "strikes." Do other schools do strikes? All I know is that one night of heavy drinking coincided with the first time I got mono and it felt like death, so please just be careful you guys life is a curveball sometimes)


	3. Chapter 3

Staring at the floor, on the T heading back towards Park Street station - hoping no one from school got on to recognize him, with an intoxicated mess drooling all over his shoulder.

The final walk from the T stop to campus, the Common on their right and the street still busy on their left.  A party bus drove by, music pulsing from its tinted windows.

_Dripping with alchemy - Shiver stop shivering_

And then they’d made it back to the Alley, a cobbled offshoot from Boylston formed by the school’s two oldest dorms on either side.  Remus had lived in the Tall Building freshman year and stayed there as a sophomore, when he and Pete and James drew lottery gold and landed one of the few suites made up of single bedrooms.  It was all red brick and windows that only opened a quarter of the way, and scaffolding on three of its sides from perpetual tune-ups and reconstruction.

Sometimes Remus thought of Boston as the body he was growing into, and the Tall Building was the heart that pumped blood into that constant growth.

But he shut the poetry down for the night, because Regulus hadn’t called him back and he was leaning against the alley wall with Sirius dry-heaving beside him.

A few drops of rain started from the sky, and that was that sorted, at least - he wasn’t ending the night soaked through.  He leaned again into the rancid cloud of Sirius’s headspace and said, “You’ve still got your wallet, right?  And your license or something, something other than your fake?”

Was Sirius nodding or just revving up to puke again?

Quick as he could Remus patted around Sirius’s pockets, found his wallet and pulled it out.  Breathed a sigh of relief when he found a real license, then forced it into Sirius’s clammy hand.  “You need to stand up straight for a minute, security won’t let you through if they think you’re blackout.”

“What kind of douchebag rents a party bus?” Sirius said, then coughed and straightened out a bit.  He wobbled, threw a hand against the Tall Building to steady himself.  His hair was a mess and his eyes were bloodshot and his shoes hadn’t escaped the vomit unscathed, but Remus would be lying if he said he’d never seen worse on a Saturday night.

“Alright,” Remus said, holding his arm out.

“I can walk.”

“Just try not to breathe on anyone, okay?”

Remus held the door open and they both walked through into the Tall Building’s lobby.  Ten every night, student employees switched out at the front desk with actual security, so it was a blue button-down with a badge at the breast and a stoic face that swiped his ID, scanned Sirius’s license into the computer system that kept track of visitors.

Sirius tripped on his way past the desk, swore loud enough that it echoed off the walls.  Remus flushed and hustled them both into the stairwell, relative safety from getting called out.  His suite was three flights up, but Sirius managed and the halls were mercifully quiet.

Remus unlocked the front door that led into a little kitchenette and living space, and said as Sirius lurched inside, “Take your shoes off.”

Sirius bent over, probably reaching for the laces on his boots, but slipped on the tile and fell sideways into the wall.  He slid onto his ass, groaning with his eyes closed and his head tipped over.

Remus stood for a second, swallowing off the vodka haze that still had a grip on his vision, his head - then went for the sink and poured a glass of water.  He knelt over Sirius, cradled his head and forced him to drink.

Three glasses later, he tugged on Sirius’s arms and said, “You’re not passing out on the floor, come on.  You can have my bed if you take off those fucking shoes.”

Sirius took a deep breath, then leaned forward to work on his left boot.  Remus took the right, and together they got Sirius down to his socks.  Remus grabbed a wad of paper towels from beside the kitchen sink, cleaned both their hands off the best he could.  Then he was leaning over again, lifting the both of them to their feet and towards his bedroom.

Sirius went straight for the bed and faceplanted.  He curled his arms, gathering the blanket into a nest with his legs still hanging off the frame.  Remus laughed, thinking of the last time he’d had Regulus in his bed, then belched and felt puke at the base of his throat.  Figured it was time to get himself some water.

Leaning over the sink, downing the first glass then sipping at a second.  He checked his phone - a few messages from Peter and James, a missed call from Lily.  She hadn’t left a voicemail and the guys were just questioning after his safety, so he texted them that he’d gotten home alright, that Regulus hadn’t called back so they’d have a surprise guest for the night.  Then he switched the screen off and rubbed the afterglow from his eyes.

Cracked his neck, poured out what was left of the water.  Took his own shoes off, finally, and with his stomach settled went to turn the bedroom light off for Sirius.

Sirius was standing on his bed, swaying slightly.  One hand pressed to the wall for balance, the other tracing the collage of pictures and quotes on Remus’s ceiling.

“What are you -” Remus started, but then Sirius dug his fingers beneath a group of pictures and ripped them away from the others.

“Stop,” Remus said.  Then louder, “Stop!”

Clumsily, Sirius lowered himself to the bed, then slid off and stood in front of Remus.  His eyes roved the pictures in his hand, over and over, and he blinked and squinted before reading aloud the words that must have been written there.

“And it is said that the princess returned to her father’s kingdom,” Sirius started.  “That she reigned there with justice and a kind heart for many centuries.  That she was loved by her people.  And that she left behind small traces of her time on Earth, visible only to those who know where to look.”

Remus’s hands were shaking.  He stared back and forth, from the blank patch of ceiling to Sirius.  Something indignant had risen to his cheeks, and he couldn’t tell whether he was about to cry or throw a punch.

Sirius was mouthing the quote to himself again, and when he’d finished he looked up.  “You’re a fucking nerd,” he said, and then he kissed Remus.

It was sloppy and rancid and lasted for about five seconds.  Remus pushed Sirius back, who fell against the bed but still had his glazed eyes set on Remus’s lips.

The sweat was frozen on Remus’s forehead, and where anger had lashed a moment before there was only confusion.  He swept his hand out, grabbed the pictures away from Sirius and said, too quickly, “Just go to bed, okay?”  Then, closing the door shut behind him: “And don’t touch my shit.”

The hallway was dark.  A sliver of light still came from the bedroom, but Remus heard Sirius shuffling across the floor, and then the light clicked out.  When the footsteps moved away, followed by the creak of the mattress, Remus moved stilted and confused back into the living space.  He dropped the fragment of his collage on the shoddy upholstered couch that covered the length of an entire wall, then went to the bathroom and locked the door.

He stared at his reflection, in the mirror over the sink.

Sirius had kissed him.   _It had tasted like vomit and who led with that much tongue?_

Sirius had kissed him. _Had he wanted to kiss Sirius back?_

“Fuck,” Remus said, because part of him felt avenged and part of him felt guilty for it.  “ _Fuck,_ ” he said again, because another part of him was curious.

It was still Saturday night and despite the trek home, despite staying hydrated, he’d still had a fair amount to drink.  It was there, in the size of his pupils and the color of his cheeks.  In the imagination his lips now possessed, in that shaven head that might’ve been a stranger’s who’d never belonged to Regulus - who _had_ belonged to Regulus, and moved on with the biggest middle finger possible.

Remus laughed at that strange reflection, once, then reached down and started to palm himself through his jeans.  Outside, he heard the rain work itself into a downpour.


	4. Chapter 4

The shower turning on startled Remus awake, finally.  Their bathroom was just on the other side of the wall from his bed, and the pipes always had to perform a goddamn symphony before giving up any hot water.

He sat up in bed, groped around until he found his phone.  10:30 in the morning - earlier than he’d usually manage on a Sunday.  A couple of texts from Lily, nothing from Regulus.  His mouth was dry and his muscles ached, but otherwise he felt solid, and he remembered everything.

Dragging Sirius back from Landsdowne, the tearaway fragment on his ceiling and the kiss.  Jerking off in the bathroom, cleaning himself off and finally deciding it wasn’t worth it to sleep on the couch.  He’d slid back into his bedroom, braver than he might’ve been if thunder hadn’t chorused wild and proud overhead; nudged Sirius to one side of the bed, crawled in so they were laying back-to-back and finally closed his eyes.

And if at some point Sirius had rolled over, slung his arm around Remus and pulled them close together?  It wasn’t like he’d kissed Remus again.  And if Remus had felt his half-hard dick, pressed along his ass while Sirius breathed warm and steady against the back of his neck?

_It wasn’t like Remus hadn’t already fucked his brother?  It wasn’t like he hadn’t known the shape of Sirius, from that night at the Hog’s Head a few weeks back?_

Remus groaned, and rubbed his eyes until they were hot.

He was wearing a tank top and pajama bottoms, but Sirius’s clothes were tossed around the room. Jeans on the floor, grey shirt tangled at the foot of the bed. He’d at least been wearing underwear last night, right - he wasn’t running around their suite naked?

Remus opened his bedroom door, but instead of heading for the common area and the bathroom, he walked straight across the little hallway and knocked on the door opposite his own: Peter’s.

“Heyo,” Peter’s voice said, and Remus slipped inside, quietly shutting the door behind him.

Peter was sitting in front of his desk, PS4 controller in hand with _Stardew Valley_ up on the TV.  It was his favorite game to detox with - said it reminded him of simpler times.  His 2D avatar was standing at the edge of a dock with the rest of the townsfolk, while glowing jellyfish floated in from offscreen.

Peter waited for a line of dialogue to pop up, then twisted in his chair and smiled at Remus.  “You made it back okay.”

“Yeah.  You got my text last night, about Sirius staying over?” 

“Mm.  I figured you wouldn’t just dump him, if Regulus never called.”

Remus wanted to sit on the bed, curl up in the quilt Pete’s mom had made, or sift through his DVD collection.  Amicable silence, like they usually did.  But there was something bitter beneath this quiet, something Remus wasn’t willing to address, not now.  So instead he said, “Are Lily and James around?”

“Yeah, I think they’re both in the living room.”

“Thanks, Pete.”

He left as carefully as he’d come, headed finally down the hall.

Lily was stretched across their shitty couch, in a pair of James’s boxers and a sweater, going through worksheets for her Sign Language class.  James was on the floor, bent over the coffee table with his new _Magic_ cards spread around.  He was sketching them on some loose paper, the scales of a merman’s tail and a goblin swinging his club, all in pencil.  Remus would always be amazed that he’d gotten into school on a lacrosse scholarship.

“Morning,” Remus said.

Lily glanced up at him and frowned.  “You look thoroughly unfucked.”

“Wasn’t trying to get laid, Lil.”

“Is that why baby Black spent the night in your bed?”  She was trying not to laugh.

“Please don’t call him that,” Remus said, leaning over the couch’s armrest and burying his face in his hands.  He couldn’t help it - he was trying to keep from laughing too.

Lily was on a roll.  She’d put her worksheets down.  “So you didn’t steal my anniversary thunder with some incestuous dick action?”

James snorted, good-naturedly.  “It’d only be incest if they were brothers.”

“Eskimo boyfriend?” Lily sounded the words out like a drink she’d never had before.

“No one had sex,” Remus groaned.

James smiled, looking away from his sketches.  “Someone had sex.”

The shower turned off, and all three of them went quiet.  Then James and Lily both started laughing, and Remus joined in.  Lily picked her sheets back up, and shook her head at Remus.  “Wouldn’t have judged you if you had.  He’s beautiful.”

In response, the bathroom door swung open, and there he was.  Hair dripping, with Remus’s towel round his waist.  Remus didn’t feel like laughing anymore. He was two years older than Sirius, but you wouldn’t know it from comparing their bodies.

“Thanks for taking care of me,” Sirius said, and Remus hadn’t expected that to be the first thing out of his mouth.  “Reg ever call you back?”

Remus pulled his phone out and double-checked, just to look at something other than wet skin.  “Not yet.”

Sirius shrugged.  “Probably figured you would’ve called again, if I’d died or something.”

There was only a beat of silence before Sirius smiled, any kind of gratitude whisked away by those teeth. He said, “You want to take me to breakfast?”

“No,” Remus said, automatically. Behind him, Lily snorted.

“The semester just started, you’ve still got guest meals. And I need to soak up some of the booze from last night.”

“Go to Panera or something.”

Sirius was already walking away, back towards Remus’s room. Over his shoulder he said, “I refuse to let you waste free food.” The door slammed, and then - “Just let me get dressed!”

James slapped Remus on the ass, and he spun to face them, pleading. “Guys.”

“It’s a chance to set him straight,” Lily said, reaching over James’s shoulder to rub his chest affectionately. And with a malicious smile, “Or not.”

“Why are you so nervous if you don’t like him?” James said, biting on the edge of his pencil.

Remus didn’t have the chance to respond. His bedroom door, again, and Sirius was back in the living room: last night’s clothes, disheveled and creased at his eyes, his mouth, but standing tall and his arms were crossed and it was so much worse knowing what sat beneath that fabric.

“You should put some clothes on,” he said, eyes roving up and down, and somewhere between his brain and his dick Remus had lost the word _no_.

*

Across the Alley, into Monument. Swiping Sirius into the dining hall, Sirius picking their table, Sirius nodding his chin at a group of guys splayed around their coffee like weekend martyrs - did he know them or was he just being an asshole?

Remus filled his plate, was back at the table and halfway through his eggs by the time Sirius turned up, with toast and sausage and yogurt and three glasses of water cinched between the fingers of one hand. He piled it all onto their table, but sat and stared until Remus looked up and met his gaze.

“What?”

“You want to talk about that kiss?” Sirius said.

Remus stalled his answer with a mouthful of eggs. Then, “I don’t _not_ want to talk about it, and that makes me think we shouldn’t talk about it.”

Sirius scowled. “Do you ever listen to yourself talk?”

“You look kind of green. You sure you don’t need to puke on your shoes again?”

“Look, this isn’t a big deal.” Sirius nudged his food out of the way, then leaned across the table and with some steel said, “Do you think I’m attractive?”

Remus leaned to meet him, because he wasn’t about to shout across the dining hall. Still, his voice was angrier than he’d expected, out in the open air. “You can’t say shit like that. You can’t walk around half-naked, _knowing_ you’re attractive, then ask me if you’re attractive.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows.

Remus took a deep breath, and thought of last night. Watching his reflection’s stare contract while he touched himself, the spike of revenge and guilt that’d slithered up his spine - it’d felt ragged and good and too easy. Because of course he was attracted to Sirius, but how much of it was leftover from Regulus, and how much of it was wanting to _hurt_ Regulus?

“It is a big deal,” he said, softer than before. A glint of confusion crossed Sirius’s face, and then he looked sideways, a rare display of avoidance.

“Do you still love my brother?” he said.

“No,” Remus said, and it was the truth. “But I don’t hate him, either.”

“You don’t think he’s a bad guy?”

“No.”

“He isn’t, really.” Finally Sirius dug into his food, and said with a mouthful, “But I’m surprised you think so.”

Some of the tension fell away, and for a minute it was just silverware and the sound of swallowing and Sirius downing an entire glass of water in one go. Reg’s name could be a spell or a hex, it felt like, but for now Remus felt more drained than angry, and at least they’d kicked one elephant out of the room.

Plate empty, Sirius said, “I’ve thought about it, you know. He’s my brother. And I think he’d be upset, but it’s not like I’m asking you to be my boyfriend.”

Remus felt his cheeks heat up, and Sirius laughed at the implication there. “I’m not asking you to fuck me either, not yet. It’d just be nice to spend some time with you, okay?” And when silence was still the answer, a sigh and a smile: “I’ve pretty much had a crush on you for the past two years.”

“ _Crush?_ ” Remus couldn’t help himself - he laughed, a bit. Cynicism was his last line of defense.

“I liked you better with hair.” He shrugged. “But it’s not like I need something to grab onto this second.”

And there it was, the moment Remus realized he’d agree, to a date at least. Because he felt comfortable, joking like this. And no matter the reasons, he was still curious.

He ran a hand across his scalp, and had only just thought of the comeback when it left his mouth. “It’ll grow back pretty fast anyway.”

*

Later that night, back in his room.

He hadn’t had much to tell Lily and James, despite their prodding. Just that him and Sirius were going to hang out, try and see if anything real shimmered beneath the fog that was Regulus. Peter hadn’t left his room, at least not that Remus knew of, but he wasn’t going to push.

He sat at his desk, going over the homework he really should start. A short story for his intermediate workshop, the outline of a speech for Public Speaking. Something for Ethics.

But his mind kept returning to the blank spot on his ceiling. He’d saved the pictures and the quote Sirius had ripped off, but it didn’t feel right, taping them up again like nothing had happened - and they’d gotten all crinkled and bent out of shape, anyway. Casualties of Saturday night.

He got out his little notebook, the one he’d copied some of his favorite quotes into, and scanned the pages until he found a worthy replacement. Found a spare piece of cardstock, cut it to shape, then grabbed a sharpie and wrote so the words fit evenly enough, _Time never simplifies - it unravels and complicates. Guilty parties show up everywhere. The plot does nothing but thicken_.

“Trash,” Remus mumbled to himself. “Hipster trash.”

He thought of Sirius, and smiled.


End file.
